ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This baby is an asshole
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
