is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
