you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
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He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
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He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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