no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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