I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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