I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
