if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
