I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
God gave him joint rollers for hands
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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