You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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