Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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