Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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