I wish I could teleport
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
