seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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