If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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