hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
