I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
