i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
