I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
