DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
