google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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