just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
