theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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