"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
