I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
