Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
