In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
