i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
