About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
