Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I met the friendliest cop last night
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
