i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
