Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You are the jesus of drinking
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I am mentally ready for anal.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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