I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
