I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
