Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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