what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
