I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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