btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
