At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
