He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
