the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
