You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
