I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
