we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
