I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
