Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
