he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
