Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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