I am in a vortex of obligation.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
