I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
