I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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