dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
