I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
