He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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