I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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