I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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