i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
