I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
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Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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