What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
