i was born a porn star she said
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
