addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
