Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
