what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We have started to decorate penises.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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