Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
