At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
