i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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